Meeeeery (Mad) Christmas! 2018 edition.

Merry Christmas Mad Minions!
As some of you might remember,  I have come to China to begin my plans for Global Domination. Each year that I have been here, I have helped out with an organization called ‘Alenah’s Hope (www.childrenshope.net) introduced to me by a great friend named Jacken, who take care of children who have been abandoned because they have some kind of disability. That said, please do no share any of these pictures, showing pictures of kids with disabilities is frowned upon in China and i am not even supposed to be sharing these without Photoshopping the eyes… but I don’t think anyone in China actually searches my evil Mad Webpage… so I am going to chance it.

Most of these kids have never been held and most certainly have never had a Christmas present. You are supposed to come and just play with the kids, but I made it my mad mission to make sure these kids know the joy of opening a Christmas present at least once (Once they are filled with joy they wont mind as much when my robot army stomps across the earth, bending all to my mad will).

Because Mad Overlords are not that great at wrapping presents (we are exception at wrapping the bodies of our enemies and sinking them in the marsh to hide them from pesky authorities), I ask some of the great volunteers to help me wrap things.

Once wrapped, we cart them to Alenah’s where we play with the kids and hand out presents.  This year there was a little girl in blue who as soon as I showed she screamed, “Santa!” and came over to dance with me.

Like any good evil Mad Overlord, I rewarded her by tossing her around like a sack of potatoes. You can almost hear her spine crack from here. Does my heart good.

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After torturing this small child, I started hanging out the presents. Sadly, I mixed up the packages and none of them contained knives, grenades or flame throwers. Instead all they contained were crayons and cuddly toys.

How sad.

 

Before you think this holiday is all about your favorite Mad Overlord, lots of other people came to help out and this is just a small fraction of all the wonderful people who helped. Its a shame my robot army will have to crush them all because they are really good people.. but ah well.

 

And there you go. December was a hectic month with the move and the building catching on fire and all… But I am glad 2018 is going  out where I got to harass some children. Makes me smile.. and maybe not just because I am mad as a hatter.

Stay Mad.

Be Good.

 

Merry Christmas! I have learned how to bypass the Great Fire Wall.

After a zillion, billion, million years, two months, nine and a half weeks, four days, twenty six hours, eight minutes and .0003 seconds. I have found out how to dance around the Great Firewall of China (as I just said right above here in the title of the article. No really. Its right up there. Look).

Okay… Time to get serious (or as serious as I can get. If you do not know me that well…trust me, do not set your sights too high.. I am a screw ball.), Christmas just passed, so what did I do? I spend a lot of time helping Alenah’s Kids. http://childrenshope.net/

Now to be Politically Incorrect for a moment, most of these kids have never unwrapped a Christmas present, so I went out and bought them a bunch of presents and wrapped them (well, I had some help to be honest. Mucho thanks to Alan, Danielle, Shino and Rebecca. Many people volunteered, yet when it came time to put your foot in the stinky shoe, they actually showed). It WAS a lot of work, do not kid yourself, carrying about 40-50 presents around Beijing is a special kind of misery… every day in China is like Black Friday times 10). But I wanted to make sure these kids knew the joy of unwrapping a present at least once in their life.

That paragraph went longer than I thought.

All this was worth it though. Check the pictures. The kids were happy.

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20171224_172838The kids are all physically or mentally disabled. The girl I was pushing around in that chair, she is mostly blind from MS. It made me smile to see these kids enjoy the presents, yet it was heartbreaking at the same time. But these kids need someone, and it is the Christmas Spirit to help others. Anyway, I am not sharing this to be an sphincter, and be like “Look at me! I am SOOOO kind and wonderful!
Crap, that is the LAST thing the internet needs is more narcissism ( I am looking at YOU Facebook). I did it because the Christmas season is not about what you can get, but what you can do for others and hopefully it will inspire others.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

HEY WAIT A MINUTE AXIOM YOU JERKFACE! Who is that guy in the last picture?
Oh yeah!  I am glad you asked, multiple personality me.

Christmas is only another ‘getting stuff’ holiday in China. Seriously, this country has like fourteen valentine’s days and you need to buy stuff for ALL of them. There are decorations, but few people actually get into the spirit of the holiday. (A popular saying here is Go! Go! Go! Buy! Buy! Buy!) I live behind a huge mall called ‘Joy City’ (I will cover that in another episode) and after getting out of the taxi, I was mobbed by people all ready to spend on themselves.

Pushing and shoving, not caring about others, just ‘what can I get for me (That is not a mentality just for China either, just saying)? So I go around the back of the mall where the deliveries come in just because there are less people there. But there was this Chinese delivery guy, dressed as Santa! He looked at me and smiled (as you see) and in broken English he said, “Mirry Crissmass!”

Between the magic of the kid’s faces, and this nameless delivery guy, I truly had a Merry Christmas.

Hope you did as well.